And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. Revelation 20:12
As I stood there infront of the court room, my heart was beating fast, hard....my eyes watering....palms wet....knowing that God was with me...had a plan..it was perfect...but the fear was still there. I knew I was guilty, I deserved my sentence. "300 hours and community service, 3 years of probation, and fines due to the court and family of Miheala Zagoni." That was it, my judging was over and I walked out and began my sentence.
This was justice, Ashley Bell versus the People, and I was found guilty of vehicular manslaughter. I had failed to see I had the red light and she had the green, I turned and she died. It was right in the eyes of the court for my punishment. I imagined how at the Great White Judgement when God serves the sentence to those who sinned the angels will be like those people....agreeing with the sentence, with righteous anger they will see it was just and right....and yet....
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
What if, after being told my punishment, Miheala's father got up and said "When do I start?" Week in and week out, he carried out my sentence, and carried my burden...as if he had been driving that day and killed his own daughter....What if her whole family stood up and embraced me and took me in as their own daughter? People would be furious, yelling, questioning...confused....
And yet...this is God...
What if after giving our sentence of eternal separation, wrath and torment in hell...stood up as He removes his robes of righteousness and serves this sentence....this isn't a what if question...because he did. Christ died on the cross and that is the exact picture. When I heard this picture of grace, mercy and love my soul was silent and my heart dropped....I was amazed yet again at God's amazing grace.
Forgiveness is the one thing I desire and I know that I don't deserve it from that family and yet at times I think I deserve it from God? No. It was a free gift to me but it cost God his son! Why do we often take this for granted in our day to day lives, sinning and just thinking "Oh, God will forgive me, He already has." We should be falling to our knees, broken that we grieve Him each and every time, as if we were murdering and murdering again and again.
I was convicted so much this week through a message about imitating God, realizing I can be just like this and also not forgive myself. I need to kill my pride and walk in love and humility before God, knowing all He has done for me.
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5: 1-2
